Oh, you too!

Blank or just total useless rubbish rattling around.  Its so hard to stop, to clear completely. Distractions, a new noise, a different bird song, sudden bang or just me….watching, looking at myself trying to slow this crazy mind of mine.

Concentrate, try to remember, only hours ago you flowed and swirled with thoughts, ideas, brilliant plans and chatter oh yes so much happy chatter. Now……..blank.  Now when it matters, when theres time and quiet……just blank.

I can’t remember!

So many times as I look at them and say I have memory problems and they nod, sometimes smile kindly, pause……..then give me instructions or tell me something important.  Why don’t they listen and I mean listen.  I do not choose not to remember. They say ‘oh yes that happens to me all the time’ or ‘oh well, were all getting older, ha ha’.

NO you don’t know how it feels, what its like ALL the time.

Ive lost so many precious memories.  Just disappeared from my head or maybe locked away until just before my dying day, waiting to fleet across my mind.

I do no have dementia, I have not had a blow to the head or an illness known to cause such issues.  No label, you see ~ just me.