Ketamine nearly killed me

so surely I CAN deal with this?


I face this day and week with such trepidation, fear, confusion and yet an inner knowing that all will be fine?  Such confusion, my brain is struggling with such opposite feelings. The inner knowing is very good but my belief in it wavers wildly.

Employers have messed up with their process leaving me with no notice absolutely no money coming in and yet still employed by them.  Today my monthly bill payments cannot be made, charges will come and make the situation worse of course. I intend to approach one of the free debt advisory services and most likely will have to go bankrupt, who knows?  I hope I will know soon as.

My Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) is not responding in any real way to treatment.  My mental health issues await an apt with a neuropsychologist. My osteoarthritis remains incredibly painful doing normal daily activities but this has been ignored in line of priority.

My sons anxiety, insomnia and depression continue. I became very ill worrying about him, trying to help and I did but for way too long. I have had to step back, accept he is an adult and just steer him.  I do believe that his ketamine dependancy is no longer, it has to be as his Dad and me are now both penniless from getting him through it.  I am his Mum though, he is my only son and although he is 24years old, he is mentally so much younger and it rips my heart that I cannot wrap him up and protect him……..but I cannot protect him from his mind and I have had one heck of a journey to save myself and learn how to live with this and ultimately to realise I deserve a life.  He makes choices but mine were taken away.

What I do have is a fantastic home base/personal relationship ~ solid as a rock 🙂 On a side note ~ one day when this mess is dealt with I look forward to writing my tremendous love story which spans almost 40 years now!

Appointments to make, appointments to keep, lock the darkness away, deal with this culmination and summon up more strength than ever……………………………….I have no choice.

***In case you need advice or help currently I have copied this link which I hope works :-


About desperateramblings

Desperate ramblings because I'm desperate to learn how to do all this blog stuff and ramblings cos due to ill health I tend to ramble on even more than usual! I really hope you will glance, read and/or enjoy my words and I very much look forward to viewing yours in return. **UPDATE Feb '15** Thank you for all my new followers, gobsmacked tbh! Look forward to daily when possible, blogging, checking out all my favourites and meeting new fellow bloggers.
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