Happy New Year – 2015

So Ive just spent over an hour pinning ‘inspirational’ quotes all over my Facebook page and pinned loads as well on Pin Interest.  No reason at all other than looked at one somewhere vague and ended up looking at loads and loads more.  I do agree or believe in them all of course and as I have actually headed one of the boards ‘must remember’.  Im coming to realise thats the trick for me, don’t keep getting sucked into my ‘dark’ mind or all will be lost.  I really do need to just crack on, take what comes, face what comes but whatever I do, I have to deal with it in the best possible way for ME not for others or because of what others will think.

I have faced the loss of a dear loved one again this year.  It was so bloody hard (again) but as day by day I age just like everyone else this will become a more frequent event and there is no power in the world that can change that.  I do like to believe in magic though, I expect thats why I love stories that include magicians and witches both good and bad for I love there apparent power all the time knowing the power is not achievable or real, it is only a story or film and yet………

Yes that IS what ‘it’ is all about.  Bit philosophical maybe and some would call me a dreamer but if you understand and really know what I have learnt to know in the last few years then you will understand what its all about.  I may be dead in the next minute as may everyone else and indeed thousands have died in the time I have typed this…..death so final, so amazingly unreal to me.  I am not scared of dying, just the method is all BUT I have so many thoughts whenever I take time to consider it.  Who will truly care, who will truly grieve, remember me always.  Will I be remembered in a good way, in a worthwhile way in a way that I would like to be?  Thats something I will never know I guess but if I make it so by being the best I can be to everyone who enters my life and share my soul with only the minute handful who deserve it, then maybe just maybe me Anne Mason that is will be thought of as I would wish by someone other than my Mum & Dad.  I have understood what it is to be a Mother and what that brings.  I only had one son but my love for him is unconditional and whatever or wherever I am in my life he is the one person I will always be concerned with no matter what.  The desire for him to be happy is soooooo strong and yet only he can achieve that state.  A state that few I believe truly achieve as most people spend their life chasing conditioned states that are engrained in our upbringing and never poke their head above the ‘norm’ to see what is possible.

Quite a personal ramble for me indeed but I could merrily type away here along these lines endlessly however enough for now………it is Sunday after all and I plan on doing very little other than what others may consider ‘wasting time’.  Who are they to judge though……no-one.  I no longer run my life to achieve a view from people that actually mean little in my life, I am going to run my life for me and ‘mine’.

A tad more it seems 🙂 I am facing harsh medical issues, catastrophic finances and potentially losing my employment all at the same time very soon as I did throughout 2014 but now they are all coming to a head so now is never a better time to be able to handle all of that and just deal with whatever comes along.  Everything happens for a reason they say, I now believe this other than one thing of course.

Happy New Year to you if you have read this!

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About desperateramblings

Desperate ramblings because I'm desperate to learn how to do all this blog stuff and ramblings cos due to ill health I tend to ramble on even more than usual! I really hope you will glance, read and/or enjoy my words and I very much look forward to viewing yours in return. **UPDATE Feb '15** Thank you for all my new followers, gobsmacked tbh! Look forward to daily when possible, blogging, checking out all my favourites and meeting new fellow bloggers.
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